on the sense of wonder

"think of your yoga practice as a study in perseverance. not the gut-wrenching, willful approach that is sometimes demanded by a challenging class, but rather the kind of perseverance that can be sustained over time. a yogi shows up each day, gets on the mat, and starts doing poses. every day is different - a different feeling or sensation appears, a different insight reveals itself. a seasoned yogi follows, explores and tests whatever unfolds on that particular day. but what sustains the commitment to show up in the first place? for me it's a sense of wonder, not the force of will...

"each day that i get on my mat, i open to the vastness of yoga rather than narrow myself to a goal for that particular day. i feel wonder as i realize that every pose is infinite and that ultimate mastery is not possible. i feel wonder that time, dedication, and curiosity are what brings me progress, not the intensity of my will...

"finally, i am filled with a sense of wonder that my yoga practice allows me to refine the quality of my existence."

matthew sanford
the path less traveled
yoga journal, february 2009

a prayer for a lost pet

Father,
We ask you to help us find Figaro,
our dear pet who is now lost.
We know that you placed animals on the earth
for many reasons, including companionship for man.
We therefore ask you to help us find our lost companion,
and pray that You will keep him safe
and protect him from harm until he is found.
We join our prayers with St. Francis,
St. Anthony of Padua, and all the saints,
and pray in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
- David Bennett
from http://www.churchyear.net/prayer/prayerforalostpet.html

to-do list: for when figaro comes back, which is soon

it is the cat lover's worst nightmare to find your semi-indoor middle-aged cat not returning from his usual stroll, especially when he is neutered and timid and thus not likely to roam looking for females in heat or be picked up by a complete stranger. i'd like to think i have done my part looking for him in the neighborhood, asking people and posting notices at the stores around the block. now i wait and take comfort in stories of cats (even the mistreated ones) strolling back home after months or even years of disappearance.

but thinking of months or years is unbearable to me right now. i would like to hear his paws scratching the kitchen door from outside right about it and see him nothing worse than tired and super hungry.

i'd like to be optimistic and continue to pray, as these are my only options and, if only to keep myself from falling apart. figaro has been my cat for 9 years, and he is more than a cat to me, he is my family, my best friend.

This photo of Figaro was shot 07 June, a week before he left.

to-dos:
big tight hug.

fix finest meal.
give your vitamins.
short warm bath.
good sleep wrapped in a blanket.
make you an indoor cat here in the suburbs
as you are in the city.
vet visit
(to check you had not come down with
anything while missing for 5 days).
have collar and a nameplate made,
with your name and my name and telephone number.
buy new scratching post,
maybe a new litterbox.
yours is already 6 years old.
take you out for a stroll on the rooftop (in a cage, sorry).
have more and more fun and lazy days together.
you will live long enough to see my child born and grow to a toddler.
take care of you until the end of your days.
you will die peacefully on your bed,
surrounded by people you love and who love you,
perhaps a ripe age of 20.
and you will always be
the best loved cat in the whole world.

thanks, coco!

this couldn't have come at a better time.

"Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and... it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life... I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing."

Find the full transcript of Conan's Dartmouth College Class of 2011 commencement speech on this <page>.

"Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course... And that's okay."

openness in close quarters

It was ironic that my favorite yoga teacher focused on openness in today's class. I thought, she has got to be kidding. More than 30 people came to class today - some, including me, could not even figure out where to place themselves. There was barely room to raise the arms sideways. Where has the sensitivity gone?

I struggled to settle my breathing in the introductory child's pose, knowing I will have to constantly adjust myself within my little 24" x 72" rubber of a space to avoid accidentally slapping my neighbors during the Suriya Namaskar. It was at that moment, that it made sense to me, what today's lesson was. As I tried not to get kicked by the person in front of me or not kiss his rear on my way to a forward bend, I learned to take it slow, assess my space, adjust and just embrace the energy of this crowded room. And then I found calm.

Outside the mat there are far more occasions when we will feel constricted - be it by other people, circumstances, opposing ideas or our own thoughts and fears. After the class I didn't feel shortchanged. I felt all the good stuff in the right places in my body - reminding me that I can still make the most out of anything in life even without having my own comfortable space. And for that I am thankful for this class. The teacher probably did this on purpose (she is wise that way).

les plans grands

great things come in small cutesy notebooks.
this one appears as if it's made just for my big big plans in 2011.

omg, i (kinda) predicted the ending of Lost!

I quote from an entry I wrote about a dream I had where I was having an adventure with the Oceanic survivors, the day before the Season 5 Finale.

Warning: Don't read if you haven't seen the series finale and don't want to be spoiled.

Written/dreamt 20 May, 2009.

We watched as this man/monster resurrected from its box. Unfortunately for us, he turned out to be a killer... Chaos ensued and we quickly ran down... but when I thought I was far enough to be safe, I also realized that I've separated myself from the others...

Outside, people were all waiting for their rides home. An acquaintance was talking to me... offering me a ride. But I said I'm staying for a while. When I said that, I wasn't sure why, then I realized I wanted to wait for the others. Surely they'd go out this way, too.

I didn't wait very long, for a small group of my former companions came out of the gate... I took one of their hands and we hugged tight, it was a reunion of relief (that we were all safe) and longing. I felt I belonged with these people... I wept out of exhaustion and happiness at finding these people again...

I asked the girl beside me, what happened to the others? I whispered to her ear "I meant Jack, Kate and Sawyer, what happened to them?... I wasn't expecting the response. I thought they just headed to a different direction or traveled to another time, but when she started to speak with tears in her eyes, a lump formed in my throat.

They were all dead. I then wondered what happened to everybody else not on this jeepney - Juliet? Sun? Sayid?

Read about the entire dream here.

To quote Damon Lindelof's twitter post: "Remember. Let go. Move on. I will miss it more than I can ever say." I'm still on the first phase, obviously. Still hanging on to what I can.

Photo courtesy of http://www.nypost.com/

Vegan Buffet at Ananda Marga

For a healthy, alternative Saturday night out, try a spread of sentient vegetarian dishes
from the Ananda Marga Yoga Center's vegan buffet. Not just for vegans, but for anyone open to something new, healthy or even life-changing (yummy, too, need I add?).

29 May, 2010, 6pm
Ananda Marga Yoga Center
46 Maamo St., Sikatuna Village, Quezon City
Click here for directions.

Tickets are at P500/pax for dinner only. P1,000 for dinner plus 3 yoga sessions at the center.

Food's great, I can tell you that. It's also for a good cause. Proceeds will be for the benefit of AM's scholarship projects.

For tickets and inquiries,
Contact me
Or call Ananda Marga QC - +632 9246068 / +63929 5419501

got lost, found a better way home

Photo courtesy of Google Maps.

Going home from a birthday party at a friend's house, I've decided to take a different route from the one I used going there. I had a city map in the car and normally I'd open it before driving in unfamiliar territory. But feeling adventurous, decided to rely purely on my instincts, thinking that the road I took was just parallel to my earlier route. Maybe a few degrees off, but surely it would lead me to the same main road that will lead me home. It did not. For traversing that long road, the main road I was expecting to see was nowhere in sight. Instead, I ended up in a completely different city altogether.

I passed by familiar roads, but it was puzzling how I ended up here, for I never even knew these cities were connected. Of course, the very wanting street signs of Manila didn't help. When I came to a road that I knew would remotely lead me to where I lived, I stopped at a gas station to finally check my map just to know which direction I should take (and not end up in yet another city).

The map was a bit confusing (even for me), but with the help of the gas station staff who offered help without my asking, I realized I was right. I was a few intersections from home. I was right to take this road, it was just a surprise how I exactly got there.

I felt a deep satisfaction as I parked the car at home. Not only because I got home without so much confusion, but more importantly, this little trip taught me a lesson in faith. It's okay to take an unknown route at times. At least once in your life, you just have to know where you're going and let the open road take you there, even blindly . Without a plan or map, just an instinct that you are in the right direction. It may come as a surprise, but who knows, it may be the easiest route home.

Midwinter Graces: Short, Sweet and Spiritual

When we mention Christmas, we usually think of joy, lights, feasts, spirituality, gifts, excess, thanksgiving, happy children and love. When thinking of Tori Amos, one might conjure images of cornflakes, waitress murder, unorthodox takes on religious concepts, celebration of womanhood. As you see, there is very little overlap and that is why Tori, despite her being a minister's daughter, would probably be the last musician we'd ever expect a Christmas album from. But then, she's not really calling it a Christmas album, is she? Midwinter Graces is technically labeled a "seasonal album" instead, so I go and nod, okay, this is characteristic of her, after all.

But what could a "Christmas" album from Tori Amos sound like? Definitely not trite or religious. But surprisingly not at all that would make devouts rally to ban this album from being sold in a Catholic country. For one, she retains the soul of traditional (and Christian) hymns (What Child, Nowell, Emmanuel, Star of Wonder, Jeanette, Isabella and quotes from Gloria in Harps of Gold), and yet fuses them seamlessly with the rest of the album.

"The rest of the album" is the one that I can happily say sounds very Little Earthquakes/Under The Pink-like, where the piano rules. Not lacking in richness - the sorely missed harpsichord makes a comeback, complementing the strings and the perfunctory Christmas bells that lend themselves to some of the songs' old world-ly sound. Precious tracks Holly, Ivy and Rose (where Tori duets with daughter) and Candle: Coventry Carol bring you to an entirely different world. I have never experienced winter where I live but this album puts in my head snapshots of the season over the ages and across cultures like a silent movie.

Meanwhile the cheery, urban side that is associated with the holidays is in the subtly wrapped present that is Pink and Glitter, with its (quiet) big band ballad arrangement. Very anti-Tori title, but nice song. My favorites are Winter's Carol (this is Tori's return to form) and Our New Year (the "saudade"-filled finale that seemed to be a common thread going on with Toast in The Beekeeper and Gold Dust in Scarlet's Walk). There is a love song Silent Night With You that borders on sappy, but forgivable.

Short, sweet, different and spiritual, this album is. Not much about the lyrics, but I like that it successfully set a mood - that is, of bittersweetness. The minor chords and orchestral arrangements can take your mind to a gray and cold Northern village where faint lights bring hope and a spirit of rebirth for the New Year, an overall sentiment of peace, which is what the winter solstice (and Christmas, for that matter) represents for most people.

Rating: ****

intertwyne (cynthia alexander) - chords

Disclaimer: Chords are blog author's own transcription and are therefore unofficial. Corrections are most welcome.

intro: C9-D7/9
F-Fm-C9

(for verse, do intro chords)
me & you
whispering of ripplewind
& faerie wing
me & you
undaunted by
our joyful scarring

(repeat intro chords)

me & you
of twisting fates
in corridors of time
silence is the fire
that speaks to us in tongues

F
what is tomorrow
C
it may never come
F
what is yesterday
C
is now done
C
for we always were
D
we always will
F
we always are
Fm G/G7
we always intertwyne
G/G7
we always intertwyne

interlude: CM7-Am-CM7-Am
FM7-G7-FM7-G7-FM7-G7-FM7-G7
F-Em-Dm-F-G-G7


me & you
finally
beholden grace
in our eyes
in our hands
unfolding space

what is tomorrow
it may never come
what is yesterday
is now done
for we always were
we always will
we always are
we always intertwyne
we always intertwyne

F G7
intertwyne
F G7
we always intertwyne

extro: CM7-Am-CM7-Am
FM7-G7-FM7-G7-FM7-G7-FM7-G7
F-Em-Dm-F-G-G7

Confessions Of A (Reformed) Shopaholic

You know you're a rehabbed shopaholic when:

You enter a shop for a pair of slacks that you genuinely need and while sieving through the sale rack, your eyes wander and end up gawking at stuff that aren't for sale - the lovely faux-finished walls, the Turkish lamps, the old-world feel mirrors.

You traipse past hangers, totally unaffected, but your heart skips a beat at the sight of well-styled vignettes on a shelf.

You try on one piece of clothing to check for signs of a relapse, but you look not at your reflection but stand transfixed by the wood and iron clothes hooks in the changing rooms.

As you let sound the chimes at the exit, you head out, emptyhanded and fashion-challenged, but with a smile on your lips and a bagful of ideas.

Motorbykle (Cynthia Alexander) - Chords

I've discovered a new meaning to the word "busy". In that it can mean something good, something that you can actually like being. I guess it makes a whole lot of difference what you're busy with. If it's something you really take pride in letting it consume you - you wouldn't mind so much missing out for a while on other things that also mean a lot to you. In my case - time with friends, yoga, running, the Cinemalaya festival, or just the point I made earlier - writing.Been occupied in the past few months that I noticed I haven't been blogging as much as last year. Strangely, I've discovered a new meaning to the word "busy". In that it can mean something good, something that you can actually like being. I guess it makes a whole lot of difference what you're busy with. If it's something you really take pride in letting it consume you - you wouldn't mind so much missing out for a while on other things that also mean a lot to you. In my case - time with friends, yoga, running, the Cinemalaya festival, or just the point I made earlier - writing.

This blog gets a lot of online traffic from people searching for Cynthia Alexander chords, with some visitors asking for more. I got into a transcribing mood over a month ago and here is part of what came out of that exercise. I was going to post another song first but decided on Motorbykle as it is simpler and probably nearer to the actual chords that Cynthia used (thus more useful to whoever stumbles upon this entry).

In a way, the song also sounds more appropriate right now, in light of some recent changes and choices. I hope it is not the road back to the old "busy" definition - I am reassuring myself that there need not always be a highway's end. As Iris advised Samantha in Sophie Kinsella's Undomestic Goddess, "Sometimes it’s enough just to know what you’re going to do next.” And I do. So meantime, let me just enjoy the ride.
________________________________________________________

Disclaimer: Chords are blog author's own transcription and are therefore unofficial. Corrections are most welcome.


Intro: G-D G-D

G D
we barely survive the abuses
G D
we inflict upon ourselves
G D
we never mean to be unkind
G D
the colors leave us blind
G D
we get what we deserve
G D
we pay for what we get
G
here is the game
D
and here is the cycle
G A D
while I ride my motorbykle
G-D
Ride

(Use same chord pattern)
we brave the accusations
& stand on burning bridges
blame it all on weakness
& crucify our innocence

& we get what we deserve
& we pay for what we get
here is the game
and here is the cycle
while I ride my motorbykle

G F#m
now we have come
G F#m
to our hi-ways' end
G F#m
run along now & carry on
G D
& embrace the changes
G D
sanctify this distance
G D
we're certified experienced
G D
to do it all again

but we get what we deserve
& we pay for what we get
here is the game
and here is the cycle
while I ride my motorbykle
Ride

dream diary #112: the guillotine

"... I'll show you how dreams are prepared. People think it's a very simple and easy process but it's a bit more complicated than that. As you can see, a very delicate combination of complex ingredients is the key. First, we put in some random thoughts. And then, we add a little bit of reminiscences of the day... mixed with some memories from the past."
- Stephane from The Science of Sleep

I have read one dream dictionary in the past, when I was but a teenager. It was Freudian and had nothing but interpretations for all different kinds of phallic images - I threw it away immediately. As I grew older and recalled many vivid stories from my REM states, I have learned that a dream can be interpreted by the dreamer alone, and as Gael Garcia Bernal's character said in that movie, they are always in the context of: (1)what is happening around him, (2)his past, (3)his feelings (especially repressed ones) and anxieties. the dream thus can just be (a)a mixture of images pertaining to what is happening around him, what activities he is anticipating or dreading, or (b)symbols of what he is feeling.

On occasions, I immediately know what a dream means the moment I wake up. On some, it dawns on me at a later time. Some I don't bother deciphering but record anyway for their potential artistic value.

This morning's was rather disturbing because it was of me literally losing my head. I was sentenced to treason of which beheading was the punishment. I felt the blade slice my neck but I must either have fainted or severed the nerves before my brain registered the pain because I didn't feel any. The next thing I knew I was watching my own life.

And now here I am googling it.
One website says: "To be decapitated in your dream may mean that there is a strong conflict between reason (the head) and how you feel (the body), which may eventually be won by your feelings and emotions.

The head is the symbol for reason and rational thinking; therefore, if it is removed, you will not be able to think clearly, you are going to be confused and insecure. Do not let yourself ruled by your feelings or your subconscious, try to 'keep your head', do not act before you think and don't rush in when taking a decision.

Another says: "... punishment, punishing ourselves, unconsciously, as a result of guilt feelings or emotions. The dream may be showing you a negative pattern in your life that needs to be death [sic] with. It could also symbolize a need to get free of a too dominating head-you rely too much on your intellect and neglect your instincts."

And another: "... can mean you are feeling like your identity is being threatened in real life. The head would represent your personality, or who you are."

Yikes, the interpretation is much more disturbing than the dream itself. Actually, writing it in idiom form a few paragraphs back already hit bull's eye, but acknowledging what it means - means opening this Pandora's Box once again. Should I? Is there hope at the bottom of it?

"The Proposal" and "While You Were Sleeping": Spot the Similarities

I got talked into watching The Proposal last week. It was the kind of movie that I would unintentionally catch on the movie channel a year after its release, but that time I was too tired to suggest something else - I just wanted to sit down and be with company.

But it is not how I liked the movie that brings me to write this. For me, what's most amusing about it are what appears to be several shoutouts to another Sandra Bullock movie (which happens to be my absolute favorite that I have seen a gazillion times) While You Were Sleeping. While the characters of Lucy (While You Were Sleeping) and Margaret (The Proposal) are polar opposites, the circumstances surrounding them are so eerily similar that I wonder if it's done on purpose.

1. Both Sandra's characters are orphans.

2. In both movies Sandra's characters are involved a fake engagement, with a guy from a close-knit family that he rarely visits.

3. Sandra's character has known the guy long before they have "hooked up". Lucy had a crush on the unknowing Peter in WYWS; Margaret has worked with Andrew for 3 years in TP.

4. Both couples share an awkward kiss in front of the family (Lucy and Jack under the mistletoe, Margaret and Andrew after they announced the "engagement").

5. Both movies involve the guy and his father having issues about the guy not wanting to take over the family business. The Callaghans (WYWS) have an estate furniture business but Jack wanted to make his own furniture. Andrew of (TP) wants to write/read books than manage the various Paxton establishments.

6. Lucy falls on ice. Margaret falls in the water.

7. There is a doting grandmother in the guy's family whom everyone fears will have a heart attack.

8. Both movies have the token cooky character - Ramon on TP and Joe Jr. in WYWS, both seeming very gay, yet displaying a somewhat perverted interest in Sandra's character.

9. Both characters have a thing about leaving their home country. For Margaret, the whole plot was all about not wanting to go back to Canada. Meanwhile, Lucy has never gone out of the country but she always brings her passport with her. It is her most fervent dream to have it stamped.

10. Lucy and Margaret both wear 1920s era wedding dresses.

11. In both movies, Sandra's character makes a confession right before the recital of wedding vows in which she gushes about how she loved her "groom's" family. (Remember Lucy saying "I fell in love with you" and the groom's father asks -"You fell in love with me?") Then she walks out.

12. The whole family goes with guy to get girl back, both in transport terminals (airport in TP and train booth in WYWS).

13. The couples (Lucy and Jack/Lucy and Peter/Margaret and Andrew) don't have sex (which each other or with other people) in the entire duration of the movie.

14. In TP, the couple falls in love in 3 days. In WYWS, about a week.

15. It's a bit of a stretch, but aren't the posters a bit similar, too?

On the other hand - in WYWS, Lucy was clad in layers and layers of clothing. Fast forward 14 years, we see Margaret (TP) in svelte outfits or a glove-short of naked. (And well-toned at that, to match the equally hot Ryan Reynolds!)
__________
* Images courtesy of wikipedia.