pride and sensibility

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." - Pride and Prejudice

i'm at a low point today. i checked my calendar and i don't appear to be due to be depressed (i.e., have my period) in another couple of weeks, maybe more. all night and all morning, i've just been feeling listless, even catatonic and yet i couldn't bring myself to tears just yet. a few instant messages with my best friend, though, made me see that i'm being eaten by a combination of factors resulting to this mood.

1. i'm going back to work tomorrow after that long holy week vacation.

2. i'm turning 31 in 2 weeks and still single.

in short, what's eating me is that i am nowhere near my dream of leaving my stable market research job for something more fulfilling, like decorate, play music, draw, do crafts, do volunteer work, maybe motherhood... and maybe do stuff i like for meager cash, too. suddenly, i feel like in this day and age when women work their asses off for careers as men do, i am stuck in a jane austen novel where impoverished genteel women of marrying age worry about not finding a man to support them, and see themselves being pushed by parents and well-meaning friends to meet wealthy but sometimes terribly unattractive bachelors.

and like in a jane austen novel, i, the principal female character, who is anything but the submissive type who sews and fans herself or faints at the slightest disomfort, am not really in search of a comfortable marriage per se, but oh so elusive true love. where oh were is my mr. darcy?