Of Meows and Reproaching Humans When They Misbehave

aka Neko No Kimochi (A Cat's Feelings), the Figaro Version

If you've lived with a cat long enough, you'll recognize what different kinds of meows mean.

1. There's an "it's-good-to-see-you" meow, which is usually short, medium pitched and sounds pleasant.
   
2. A "where-the-hell-have-you-been-I-was-bored-to-death-even-for-a-cat!" kind of meow. Usually heard when it comes to the door when you get home late at night - prolonged and high pitched.


3. A "would-you-stop-manhandling-me-I-am-not-a-dog" meow. Clearly annoyed, ready to hiss.


4. For unneutered pets - the mating call or the "lemme-out-I-need-to-get-some-action" meow. Has a strange, multi-tonal lilt to it that can potentially scare the uninitiated ear. You can tell by the way it hovers near the door. This would be a prelude to what is probably the most annoying (or amusing) meow to the human ear... the infamous mating ritual that they prefer to hold on our roofs.
   
5. The "I wanna go to the bathroom/get out and relieve myself", sometimes confused with #4, but accompanied by jumpiness and running around like a roadrunner. Be very scared if you hear this when traveling with it.


6. "I am hungry, my foodbowl needs a refill" - high-pitched, similar to #2 but accompanied by cat rubbing himself against your leg or following you everywhere you go (actually, trying to stop you from your tracks by walking between your legs).


7. Other requests like "please open the door, I just want a change of scenery" - short normal-pitched meows, usually staring at you then looking at the thing they want. If you don't get it immediately, it will become like #2.


8. Beware of meows that sound softer than usual for it could indicate illness or depression.
   

But so much for meows.

When my cat Figaro wants something bad and meows don't work, he would resort to less subtle yet very effective measures. Once he was locked inside the bathroom for a whole day and nobody could hear him, I finally open the door and find the bathroom in complete chaos - rugs whisked in different directions... and my Harry Potter book chewed on.

And so much for sleep when he runs out of food or can't access his litterbox in the middle of the night. If he feels his meows are futile, he'd start flinging my belongings to the floor, or if that fails, start biting my leg. I've learned to cat-proof my room by not leaving small stuff like my glasses or other breakables like the cellphone lying out in the open - trust me, he knows which thing to drop to annoy me the most. I make sure to have his toys around or he'd find something else fun to play with while I'm asleep - like a pen or a container of ointment or hoop earrings - anything that rolls and he can pretend-chase. Otherwise... good luck finding them and reaching out under the bed to retrieve them in the morning.

What I find rather amusing is how vindictive my cat can get - and utterly ingenious he is at getting a message across. Just yesterday, he did the unforgivable - he did something in my room that he should've done somewhere else. Which was uncharacteristic because (1)he's been toilet-trained for years now, (2)the litterbox was very much accessible and had fresh lining that night, (3)if there was something keeping him from going to the bathroom, he could have employed his usual tactics, or hold it in (yes he can!). At first I thought... was he too sick to walk a few steps to the litterbox? I don't think so because the stuff he did were in two different places in my room. There was no other reason I could think of except - that he probably resented my serving him his leftover food from months ago when he was too busy wandering outdoors to eat (dry catfood that I didn't think would go stale). Okay, fair enough, my mistake. I guess I have to be grateful he choose spots that weren't too hard to clean up.

That wasn't the first time, either. On two occasions, my mother slept through Figaro's wailings to be let out and totally regretted it. What he did then was so heinous and so clever that my mom and I couldn't help but have a good laugh over it. In the recent incident, I made it clear to him by banning him from my room for a day that I was furious at his choice of medium. I hope he gets it. Yeah right. I'm sure, as we eyed each other with contempt, he must be thinking the same thing... "I do hope you get it never to feed me stale food again".

Sneaky as he is, I appreciate Figaro's strange sense of humor in pointing out a grave case of human folly. Admittedly, we can all learn a thing or two from him in getting into a win-win situation with people we relate to. Maybe in manner that's not as underhanded, but merely getting across the message of what we want just as effectively.

"There is nothing so lowering to one's self-esteem as the
affectionate contempt of a beloved cat."
- Monica Edwards